Intruder in the Realm
All seems peaceful in the realm of Random Silliness. Jackie, Mistress of Evil is in her library, about to get stuck into a good book, when in comes Algernon, one of the minions.
"What is it?" enquires Jackie impatiently.
"Please, your Ladyship, Shasta, leader of the wolf pack is here to see you, he says it's urgent"
"What is it now?" Jackie sighs "Very well, send him in"
Shasta pads into the library, looking slightly harrassed.
"Greetings Shasta, what brings you here?" enquires Jackie.
"Well, your Ladyship, we were patrolling the boundries to make sure no more pink bunnies got in when we came across a gentleman named Colin, he says he needs to see you"
Jackie snorts contemptuously "Colin is no gentleman"
"So you know him then, your Ladyship?" enquires Shasta curiously.
"Yes, Unfortunately!" says Jackie angrily "How dare he enter this realm. I banished him three months ago"
"He is quite determined to see you, he is on his way here now"
"Damn him to eternal hell!" curses Jackie "Why couldn't you have stopped him? You imbecile!"
"I'm sorry, your Ladyship" cringes Shasta "I didn't know whether you wanted to see him or not"
"Well, I bloody well don't!" fumes Jackie in a strop.
"So what are we going to do now?" Enquires Shasta "Shall I send a message to Alandis of the Demon Realm for help?"
"No, there's no time for that, besides, I've got a plan, there's a new weapon I want to try out. Take me to Colin, I'm going to knock him into the middle of next month!"
"Erm, your Ladyship" says Shasta nervously "I think the phrase is supposed to be 'knock him into the middle of next week'"
"Not in this case" says Jackie with an evil grin "This weapon is a laser beam that transports enemies straight into their idea of hell. All going to plan, when I hit Colin with the Laser, he will be transported to the Westlife concert that is scheduled for Manchester in the middle of next month and he will be stuck there for eternity"
"Your Ladyship, that is very evil"
"Exactly!" sniggers Jackie "That's why I'm doing it"
"But , your Ladyship" says Shasta, looking suddenly worried "I've thought of a slight problem"
"What problem could there possibly be?" asks Jackie impatiently
"Well, what if Colin gets that annoyed with listening to Westlife he decides to kill them?"
Jackie gives a dismissive wave of her hand "I don't really see that as a problem, I was planning to blow them up anyway. It'd save me the bother".
posted by Jackie @ 1:35 am
3 Comments:
hahahaha very good :)
Meanwhile, Back in the Realm of Random Silliness...
A solitary figure is seen wandering through to woods of silliness, he is made conspicous by a tremendous light above his head.
Nearby, in some bushes crouch Shasta and Jackie, Mistress of Evil.
"There's the bastard, you can see him miles off with that beacon spell" Jackie whispers "as soon as he comes within range I'll blast him with my laser"
"Aren't you going to speak to him your Ladyship?"
"Nah, can't be bothered, In this case I'd prefer to use sniper tactics, he won't know what's hit him"
"Here he comes, your Ladyship"
"Right..." There is a blinding flash of blue light and Colin disappears.
"Excellent!" says Jackie with a malicious grin
*A month later, in Manchester*
Inside a big concert hall, full of a crowd of screaming pre-pubescent girls, a Westlife concert is in full swing. Suddenly, in the midst of all the silly bints. A figure randomly appears. He looks really out of place. It is Colin.
"What the f**k!?" a look of horrified comprehension crosses his face.... "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
*Back in the Realm of Random Silliness*
Jackie and head wolf Shasta emerge from behind the bush and examine the place on the ground that Colin disappeared from.
"What now, your Ladyship?"
"Well, he'll be at the Westlife concert now, hope he's enjoying it!" says Jackie with an evil laugh
"But what will happen to Colin if he kills Westlife, your Ladyship?"
"That's the good part" says Jackie "if he does that, which I suspect he will, he will end up being torn to pieces by thousands of distraught pre-pubescent girls. A rather undignified way to die, don't you think?"
"quite" says Shasta with a shudder.
"Once he has been killed, his soul will go to the Demon Realm and then Alandis can deal with him, and I'm sure he will take great delight in that" says Jackie with a wry smile
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